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"Don't
Put Lipstick on the Cat!"
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You can read the rest of these columns and 100 more in Don't Put Lipstick on the Cat!
Crazy Preschool Quirks
If you ever feel that your life isn't crazy enough, try hanging around with a preschooler for a while. Trust me, reality as you've come to know it will suddenly take a drastic turn for the lunatic fringe. Sure, it may sound like a gross exaggeration. We all know that preschoolers do a lot of normal things like, say, dress in adorable costumes and laugh at stupid knock-knock jokes. That's part of their charm. However don't let this act fool you. Most preschoolers have quirks that even Howard Hughes would think is strange. For example, take my friend Cheryl. Lately she can't get anywhere on time because she has to stand on the driveway waiting for her four-year-old Maddie, an only child, to buckle all of her imaginary friends into the minivan. "We are now up to six," she said one day over coffee. "There are the two imaginary baby sitters, Gia and Jenny; two imaginary friends, Rayanne and Taylor; the imaginary siblings, Sally (age 1 1/2) and Merky (age 7); and one imaginary rabbit, Munchie." She leaned over and clutched my arm nervously. "If she adds one more imaginary thing I'll have to get a bigger car...." The Real Scoop on Disappearing Socks For years we've accepted the fact that if you put socks in the dryer, sooner or later they're bound to disappear. No one knows exactly why this happens. I've wasted valuable years of my life wondering. It really depends on whom you ask. New age thinkers it has something to do with karma. Academic minded people attribute it to the law of averages. While, other, more laid back types, chalk it up to it as "just the way things are." But my theory is that socks don't disappear in the dryer, they merely go on vacation... The Wake Up Call of Reality There comes a time in every child's life, usually around the fourth grade, where they get the Wake Up Call of Reality. And who can blame them? Over the years we've asked them to believe in rabbits coming into the house at midnight bearing baskets of colored eggs and chocolate. A jolly man in a beard who drives a sleigh pulled by eight tiny, flying reindeer and drops presents down the chimney. A fairy that flits about at night giving out good money for used teeth. Among other things. Clearly, it's a matter of time before they stand back and say "Whoa! Just a minute here. What kind of jogging suit did you say the Easter bunny was wearing again?" These kinds of questions the are the first sign the gig is up, so they say. The truly amazing thing is that, most of the time, parents are shocked when this finally happens. So they panic and create even more fantastic lies to try to prolong the inevitable... |
